Admission+Personal+Essay


 * Writing a College Admissions/Personal Essay **

The admissions people have thought up aspects of the profile that are intended to be very revealing. You could be asked to include in your essay any of the following:

1. Your immediate and long-range goals in life 2. Your values in life 3. Who or what influenced you to apply to this particular college 4. What person or book has had the most influence on your life 5. What you expect to get from the college 6. Your strengths and weaknesses 7. Your greatest disappointment and your greatest happiness 8. What contribution you intend to make to the college or to life 9. Your work experience 10.Your leadership or “followership” capabilities 11.How you react to adult responsibilities 12.Your creative talents 13.Your feelings on religion or morals 14.The activity in school that gave you the greatest (or least) amount of success and satisfaction <span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">15.How you get along with most people <span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">16.Your evaluation of your education so far <span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">17.What makes you different from others <span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">18. Who is someone you admire? 19. What has high school been so far?/ How did you grow and change throughout high school? 20. Who has been important in you life? and Why?

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">If you think that these are the only possible questions, think again. There could be numerous other points asked that are not included above, but these represent most of those asked in one way or another of applicants.

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">In the following example, the writer had decided to borrow four goals-and-values points from the specific autobiography forms for his profile: why he chose the college he did, the most influential person in his life, his work experience, and his school activities.

help on experiments) change ||  || anecdote on RX) ||   || treas., project on ergs) ||  || Lab) ||   || on Millie) Millie) ||  ||
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 1 ||   ||   ||   || Introduction (why Stanford, Uncle Joe) ||   ||
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 2 ||   ||   ||   || Boyhood (science at home, school, frogs) ||   ||
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 3 ||   ||   ||   || Boyhood (physique-rheumatic fever, chem. set, Dad’s
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 2 ||   ||   ||   || Boyhood (science at home, school, frogs) ||   ||
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 3 ||   ||   ||   || Boyhood (physique-rheumatic fever, chem. set, Dad’s
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 3 ||   ||   ||   || Boyhood (physique-rheumatic fever, chem. set, Dad’s
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 4 ||   ||   ||   || Boyhood (science fair, Stanford film, pres. of Sci. Club) ||   ||
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 5 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (job at drug store, Dr. Maberly influence,
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 4 ||   ||   ||   || Boyhood (science fair, Stanford film, pres. of Sci. Club) ||   ||
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 5 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (job at drug store, Dr. Maberly influence,
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 5 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (job at drug store, Dr. Maberly influence,
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 6 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (A’s in sciences, maths, start Test Tube club-
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 6 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (A’s in sciences, maths, start Test Tube club-
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 6 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (A’s in sciences, maths, start Test Tube club-
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 7 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (anecdote on Stanford visit, summer in paper mill
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 7 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (anecdote on Stanford visit, summer in paper mill
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 7 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (anecdote on Stanford visit, summer in paper mill
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 8 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (meet Dr. Millikin, books on physics, anecdote
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 8 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (meet Dr. Millikin, books on physics, anecdote
 * ||  || Paragraph No. 8 ||   ||   ||   || Youth (meet Dr. Millikin, books on physics, anecdote

**<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 32px;">Model Essay Samples **

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">This first example illustrates how to include the goals-and-values points by the **weaving** method.

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">While working at Haley’s garage, I learned how to change oil and install pinion bearings, but I learned other things too. The owner, Richard Haley, got me interested in car design and engineering. “Detroit should have done it this way” and “Detroit boo-booed here” were common expressions of his. He also showed me how a college education can add to practical knowledge on cars. He also stressed that I should take more math and some mechanical drawing. I’m glad now I followed his advice.

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">Notice that this applicant wove in information about the most influential person in his life along with his job experience and part of his course work at school. The next example shows you how to **add** the goals-and-values points. This individual is writing on one of those points, the strengths and weaknesses.

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">This year has been a reflective one for me. I have had a chance to assess my strong and weak sides as I’ve never done before. I have done those things which I ought not to have done as when I resigned as a student court juror rather than lose friends over one case being tried. I have left undone those things that I ought to have done even though this involved small chores like running the garbage cans out to the curb or like making some of the clarinet practices with the band. But I know some of my strong points are such things as getting in my homework, free tutoring of six sophomores on geometry, doing all the home errands involving a car, and sticking to a history project that eventually won a national award.

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">Notice that the example above illustrates how to start a paragraph with a key sentence that indicates what subject will be used – in this case, the applicant’s strengths and weaknesses. Notice too how the individual lists the weaknesses first (with supporting examples) followed by the strengths. Remember that people usually remember what they read last. This next example shows how a girl wrote about disappointments in life:

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">Disappointments in life are no stranger to me. I have come to see how they build character and give valuable experience. I thought my life was over when all my friends were chosen for Pep Club and I wasn’t. The prestige of wearing one of the club’s jackets and in being in the school’s most exclusive organization meant a lot to me then. But after a week went by, I saw that the world had not come to an end. I looked for other things to do without my friends. Soon I found that the School Door Canteen needed a door checker, the choir needed a second alto. I saw that my German could stand a lot of attention too. Through this single small disappointment, I made new friends and gained some valuable new experiences.

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">The next illustration displays a boy writing on one of the most difficult goals-and-values points, how are you different from others your age? This is what he said:

<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">You ask what makes me different from others in my generation. To single himself out as special is a brave thing for a person to do in a society that demands that all men are equal. In my provincial little world, however, I have seen for a long time that I am different from my friends. I was the type who wrote letters to the President and my Congressmen to protest the Vietnam War. One of my friends offered to ship me to North Vietnam for the duration over that. They thought I was strange also when I went to work in a bakery for the summer. But I figured manual labor left the mind free for some deep thinking. It also introduced me to a stratum of society I hitherto had been insulated against – the blue-collar people. I am the one who slogs along through every line of //Crime and Punishment// unlike my friends who are either reading abridged copies of it or one of those outline series on it. Everyone in my generation seems to be out to be a Tom Dooley. But I see that there must still be people who run stores, gas stations, and small or large businesses. Who else but me in my class wants to open a real estate office? Someone has to mind the economy while others are either deserting the world or are out saving it.